The sadness of now.

Right now is sad,

I feel sad,

do you?

Maybe it’s just me but I feel a fear in everyone that’s hard to pin down.

Rejection, dread, hatred, love, hope, acceptance.

I don’t know where I am going with this thought, but I guess that’s my favorite way of righting. I remember writing away on my typewriting, reveling in the typos and idiosyncrasies of my words. I would enjoy my mistakes more than my triumphs because they meant I was removing my filter. I was letting the words flow straight from my brain onto the page. I loved throwing those crumpled pages into the trashcan on the other side of the room because it meant I would never have to reread the horrible nature of my bareback stream of thought. Just let it loose and see what came out.

But I think what I really craved was an audience, I was just in denial of it. Or perhaps and editor and mentor who saw the vision I had and wanted to help guide me to a coherent prose.

Anyway, I didn’t pursue either of those avenues to fruition or failure because I preferred daydreaming about the end of them. My attention span was and really is pretty menial, I beat myself up before I get the chance to get anything out.

So what was I going for here before I got distracted with self pity and reminisce.

The Sadness of Now, yeah.

It’s a weird thing to process the current collective narrative and now feel a yearning for purpose and a dread for vapidity.

We’re wasting away in nonsense. The government controls weather but only uses it for meaningless bullshit apparently. The earth is flat but we can orbit it. The global economy, who cares.

What I mean is I think a lot of society lacks the social connections that used to bind us. I know I’m not the only one who’s feeling that because I see it everywhere. People are looking for community and are learning to find it in places where everyone agrees with them. I’m not sure that’s good.

Friction makes things stop, but we could all use a moment.

Don’t know that I ever found my thought.

Nonetheless needed to write something.

Dedicated to _A_

Love,

Lucian.